Today is my birthday. I have officially graduated. I am no longer a wandering 20's. I know what I want, and I'm going to get it. at least that's how i imagine us powerful 30 year olds to think.
I have had mixed feelings about saying goodbye to 20s, in fact it was way harder than saying goodbye to teens ;). I don't feel 30, I never felt 29, in fact most the time when talking to youngsters, I feel like they are older than me and I've been carded to see a rated R movie, and they won't let me taste wine at Trader Joes without an id... so I guess I have never really felt old. But alas, I have to recognize the number has changed so I've got some stepping up to do.
I have a lot of thoughts about 30 that I will share soon. But for now I'll tell you about my day, my lovely birthday.
I have had some hard birthdays in the past. Not because of anyone, or anything, (well there were a few a-holes that broke up with me on my birthday) but according to facebook who's laughing now? ;) just me and my birthday issues.
But this year, I did it all different. I scheduled a day for myself. I thought about what I'd like to do, and I made it happen. This is what I did... (with the cooperation of my sweet husband who took Isabel with him to work ;)
I have a pretty fierce cold with snot bubbles and coughing, but by golly I'm not 20 anymore, the 20 year old me would cry and feel unloved by God that I was not feeling good on my special day, but not this year... I'm 30, and I chose to look at the small hardship as a challenge instead of a breakdown, I was determined to make this day count.
I woke up and stared outside the window into the trees and thanked God for life, and thanked God for my mother who gave me life, and I marinated in the thankfulness of what it means to simply exist. Then I rolled out of bed and went to a massage appointment I booked... (and drooled and snotted during the whole thing) I promise you this isn't normal, but today... I decided I didn't care.
I came home, showered, took my time getting dressed and straightening my hair and got in the car.
I went to Dean & Deluca, and got my favorite sandwich (that I've been eating for 15 years!!!) i started working there when I was 16, with the addition of birthday bacon and a sweet tea. I sat down with my list/journal book and I wrote things that came to me and wrote goals and asked my self who I wanted to be in year 30 and what I wanted to do, and how I was going to do it.
I took a walk. I walked to my favorite paper store, browsed the items I was going to buy for my business, but then decided, nope- no work, only play today.
I went to the mall. I went in every store I wanted to. I stayed in Anthropologie for hours, calculating and trying on clothes, only to return the clothes I bought last week, purchase some bowls for my kitchen and make $53.00. that's a success in my world.
I shopped until my red, watery eyes were tired and my last tissue had been sneezed upon, and came home to my husband giving my daughter a piggy-back ride, listening to her squeal with delight, ate a cheese stick, a cupcake and a glass of sparkling juice.............
and it was perfect.